Andrea: Welcome to Those Who Can't Do, I'm Andrea Forkham and I am currently deep into March Madness. I know that for you guys it's not March, but we are recording this and it is still March for a little bit longer. I have found myself very engrossed in all that is college basketball. I wouldn't say I'm a bandwagon fan because I lived in Southern California and basketball is, I mean, it's there.

Like I played basketball in middle school and high school and loved it, but I've never been somebody who like sat down to watch a basketball game. And when I decided, when we decided to move to Indiana, I never quite understood when people were like, oh, cool, Larry Bird, basketball, you're working at ISU.

And I was like, I mean, yeah, sure. Right. And like, to say, yeah, sure, to Larry Bird is, you know, tantamount to, um, just the worst thing you can say in Terre Haute. And I am deeply upset because I have started following the team this year. It's been a fantastic year. And then we did get snubbed for March Madness and never in my life have I cared less.

Even the slightest bit about that. But this year, I was very, very upset. I mean, I wasn't like burning down buildings and flipping cars, but I was deeply upset. And so instead, right now, we're in the NIT tournament. So if you are like I was in my former self, and you don't know what the NIT is, it's the National Invitation Tournament.

But no one actually calls it that, because it's basically like if you didn't get into March Madness, like in like the big game, then You get invited to the NIT, which means that people have used that acronym to say like, not invited tournament, not important tournament, needs improvement tournament, which is very upsetting for those of us who are still rooting for our teams.

And that's what I've been doing for like the past several weeks. It's been very fun being in a community that gets so heartily behind a team. I've never experienced that. Even when I was like in college and I went to San Diego State and all of that, like, people would cheer, but it's not like the full community behind a team, like what I've experienced here.

Like, I taught this morning two separate classes and every single one of my students knew that we won the game last night. They knew how good of a game it was. Half of them were at the stadium watching it and were still exhausted from it. Like there's something so beautiful in having something that is shared and that the whole community can kind of get around.

Which leads me to our phenomenal guest that we have today. Carrie Arensberg. I've been following her for years. I came across her videos initially because She was talking about something she does in her classroom called The Care Closet, and that may be how she is familiar to you as well. She, her tag on Instagram and TikTok is Mrs.

Arensberg, um, and she's often just called, like, The Care Closet Lady, and I have always called her the In Real Life Miss Honey, and you will see why when you get to the interview, because she is just that very, like, pure, kind elementary teacher that we all kind of think of when you think of like comfort and safety and warmth.

It is just so fun to hear about the things she's doing in her classroom, and it was so hilarious hearing some of the things that happened in her classroom that were a little bit more unexpected. So, without further ado, Let's get to it.

I am so excited about our guest today, Keri Arensberg. We have been digital friends for like, I feel like several years now, but this is the first time we've actually like talked face to face virtually at least. Yes, I'm so excited. I know. So can you talk about what grades you teach, kind of what your platform is all about?

Yeah, so,

Carey: um, I teach fourth grade. I've been teaching fourth and fifth grade for like 12 years now. Um, my platform is mostly about, uh, like trauma informed education and how we can help kids succeed that don't necessarily have the same opportunities as others. So my whole platform is pretty much just based on teaching strategies for our underserved kids.

Andrea: Yeah, and that's how I came across your platform initially. I think it was one of the videos with the Care Closet, which has, I think, probably been some of your, your biggest videos where you kind of explain your Care Closet or talk about it, answer questions about it. Can you kind of summarize what the Care Closet is and how you started that?

Carey: Um, so the Care Closet is this basic, basically a massive closet in my classroom that, um, Um, it's almost like a grocery store for them now. Um, it started out with kids coming in and, or skipping school because their hair wasn't done or they didn't have a uniform piece or they just didn't have what they needed and so they were missing school.

So when I asked him about it, like, where were you yesterday? And my hair wasn't done or I couldn't find my uniform shirt or I didn't have any clean pants. I just started collecting items that I could keep in my classroom so that they could come in and do their hair here or if they needed a uniform piece, they would still come to school and they would just come see me first and get it taken care of for the day.

And so it's improved their attendance time, but it has literally everything that you could think of at this point. We even had this super awesome interior designer design out a, um, like an organization system for it. And she donated it and it has been such a lifesaver.

Andrea: That's incredible. Do you, do you want to shout out the name of the, the designer?

Her name is

Carey: Sarah, but she does not want to be public, but we'll just call her Sarah.

Andrea: Okay. So she wanted to remain private. That's just warms my heart. I love that. She's so sweet. That's wonderful. And I, I feel like I'm in constant need of interior design help just because I, I, I My brain doesn't work that way.

My brain is just like constant chaos. So whenever I go into like spaces that are neatly organized and things are labeled, like it's so calming and peaceful for me. I want to be that

Carey: person. When she sent this design to me, I was like, Oh my gosh, like I could have never thought about this design space.

Like I mean, I have some labels and stuff in here, but it is nothing like what she figured out. I was like, how did you do that? How do people's brains work like that?

Andrea: Yeah. No kidding. So how did you initially fund the Care Closet? Because I think that a lot of teachers would love to do something like that.

But my first thought is like, man, I used to buy just bags of chips or protein bars for my students. And then. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They would bring all their friends and then everything would just get depleted in a day. And I'm like, okay, I can't afford to keep up with this.

Carey: Right. So it started out with me just creating an, well, I used to buy it all initially when it was kind of a smaller thing.

Um, I would do like target grocery orders to our school with some items that we needed, but then it became a thing where kids would see somebody else using it and they were like, well, I need that too. So I started an Amazon wish list and I sent it out to just my friends and family that were on social media.

And they did a really good job of helping me keep it filled. And then I reached out to like local churches or I would reach out to a local business or like a dentist office and say like, Hey, if you have any spare toothbrushes or toothpaste or floss or anything, we'd be happy to take them off your hands.

Um, and so just through my friends and family at first, sometimes in the community, we would reach out and just like put a blast out to our city and just be like, we have a bunch of students that are in need of things. If anybody could do a food drive for us or a coat drive for us, we would be appreciative.

And so we ended up getting a good amount of stock. And then I just kind of keep a running Amazon wishlist all the time as we get low. And we still do have a bunch of local churches and businesses that. still do drives for us and help us keep our food pantry

Andrea: alive. That is awesome. So now, did you grow up in the community that you're working in now?

Carey: Um, I, not far from it. Um, this is the area that I teach in is, it's kind of a forgotten area in our city. Um, but it's amazing because it's just a couple miles away from where I actually live now. Um, and I think that there's so many people that don't understand that this side of life is just down the street from them.

Um, so I, I work really hard to try to spread awareness on, you know, adversities that people face if they're from generational poverty or from more traumatic backgrounds. That, you know, some people that live in their little bubble just don't understand goes on right down the street from them.

Andrea: Yeah, definitely.

I think that, that term generational poverty, like I feel like people always talk about generational wealth, but they forget that generational poverty is very much a thing as well. I mean, I remember my dad, um, cause my dad growing up grew up in, um, in poverty and all of that. And he very specifically read the book, Rich Dad, Poor Dad, which is an old book.

I've never read it, but I remember him talking about it because it changed his mindset about like how to manage money and how to kind of invest and do stuff like that. Because there are so many things that are a lot like soft skills, but ways of seeing the world, ways of seeing work and business and money that are passed down through like culture and family and how the people around you are spending money that we just, I think, don't even realize that we've kind of accepted these things as fact in our minds until we, for me, it was when I got married.

And then I realized like, oh, like my husband grew up very different from me. We have completely different ways that we think about money. So, yeah. It's amazing.

Carey: It's such a complex social issue, really, that like, oh gosh, so many things go into generational poverty. And it's, oh, so many people are like, oh, you should just work harder, or you should just do this.

And it's so much more complex than that. Um, and once you like dig into it and understand it, like you understand people's behaviors on why they spend money a certain way because each social class has these sets of rules that they spend money on. And it's It's really fascinating once you really dig into it about, and you start to understand like, oh, no wonder your money is mismanaged.

Or, oh, no wonder the wealthy have all these elaborate trips and things like that. And so really it's, gosh, it's so complex. It's just all over the place.

Andrea: I agree. Yeah, it's, it's wild. So what was school like for you growing up? Do you feel like you grew up in an area where, like, you didn't see as much of the generational poverty or did you see a little bit of that in school as well?

Carey: I really did not, um, I didn't see much of it. I grew up in a smaller town that didn't have too many struggles. Um, and so it wasn't until I went into my student teaching that I was placed here at this school that I'm in. I've never left this school. Um, this was the first place that I really walked into that it hit me like a ton of bricks.

And I was like, Oh my gosh, this is totally different from how I grew up. Um, school for me was okay. It wasn't great. I, uh, am late in life diagnosed ADHD, which, you know. Twins! Right? How many times do people tell you to just try a little harder? Right, exactly. Just focus a little more. Um, so I never really felt like I had a real connection with any of my teachers.

Nobody ever really put forth any effort into trying to make a connection with me, so I feel like I just kind of, you know, I didn't love school. Um, and when I had issues, it was pretty much just like handle it by yourself type of thing. And so when I decided to become a teacher, I was like, I won't be that way.

I will put forth the effort to recognize. when someone needs a little something extra from you.

Andrea: Yeah, 100%. You know what's so funny is like, I feel like as teachers, we all have our blind spots and my blind spot, I think because of a similar, you know, educational experience as you, where I, I really love the kids, um, and enjoy working with kids who have gone through a lot, who, you know, maybe are neurodivergent, they have other things going on and they need a little bit more of that extra help, where my blind spot was, was like, I would have those type A kids, that really, really needed to be challenged.

And I'd be spending so much time on the kids that were really struggling that I would be like, Oh, dang, like that kid's bored to tears right now because I'm spending so much time with these, you know, six kids who needs so much of my attention. Yeah. Have you had any challenges like that in your classroom?

Yeah.

Carey: Yes, I do. I mean, it's sometimes, you know, the easiest thing to do is to spend time on the kids who struggle and just forget to reward the ones that are always doing the right thing, you know? Yeah. That I feel like is the most difficult, difficult part for me because there are so many kids that I serve that have really extreme emotional needs or are very neurodivergent.

And so the kids that We'll just sit back and constantly do the right thing. I always have to remind myself, like, what am I doing for them to show them that I appreciate them making my job easier? Um, so I, I started like a leadership club where the, those kids get to do kind of special things around the school, um, without me, without it putting a ton of extra work on me because my struggling kids really put a ton of extra work on me.

Right. And so if they just get to go out and do a little thing, do a couple things or honestly some of my leadership club positions kind of help me in my classroom, organizational things. Yeah. It's just things that the other kids see them doing. They're like, Oh, I want to do that too. And I'm like, you better start doing the right thing.

Right. Yeah. So yeah, it is, it's difficult

Andrea: when you have so many that

Carey: need you.

Andrea: Yeah. It's, I think I just for, and it's for everybody, you know, because we're teachers are human and we know how we were as students. And, um, it's so fascinating to me because what I noticed is that we. as educators do tend to meet the needs of students that remind us of ourselves, sometimes a little bit more readily.

And we have to be so much more intentional when we're working with students that are just like, we have to work harder to understand how their brain works. And like, for me, I just remember so vividly when I was in school and I would do my homework, I would come home, I would do my homework, I would get it done, right?

Like it wasn't to anybody's standards, but it was done. Right. And then, um, It would sit on the table where I did it and then I would go to school and then I would get a zero on it and my mom would be like I, you did it. Why didn't you bring it to school? Like, I know you, I saw it. And I was like, yeah, I did it.

So why should I lose points? She's like, you have to put it in your bag. And I, like, of course I was, I've seen so many like memes and stuff of like, hey, all of you people who just shoved paper into your backpacks, where are you now? And I'm like, With a bag that looks like this, that's where, that's where we are.

Exactly. We're all educators. And I'm like, like, it's a great visual of like where my brain is, like, and it, it definitely ebbs and flows with the level of stress I have in my life. Because, you know, as with a lot of people with ADHD, I need a certain level of stress and urgency in order to, you get my act together.

And so like, Procrastinators unite. Yeah, exactly. So if I'm just like, everything is calm and chill, it does not mean my house is going to be necessarily clean or my car. My house is usually fine. It's usually my car that it's out of sight, out of mind. If I see it like in my house, I'll clean it. But my car is, is, is, is clean.

I have a babysitter that took my kids to Chick fil A right now while we're recording, and I was looking at my car and realizing how embarrassing it is that there's like, I mean, my kids have every, like, Toy Story toy that's in there, and like, lunch wrappers, and homework from my daughter because I blessed her with the same brain that I had.

And like, I have one also.

Carey: I have, it's amazing because I have now a fourth grader, so Like, I get to, I teach fourth grade, and then I get to go home and still teach fourth grade. And he has the same brain as I do, which would, which is very just like forgetful and kind of lost in space most of the time. He is the same way as far as like, I didn't, I didn't pack, of course I did my homework, but it's just like, I don't know, I didn't turn it in, and I'm like, well, why not?

We did it. And he's like, I don't know. We just, I just didn't. And his teacher's like, did he do this? I'm like. Okay, check like the fourth pocket of this part of his binder and like, it's just his binders all over the place. And I don't know about you, speaking of your car thing, my, the way that my ADHD works is that like, if somebody walks in my house and they're like, they're like, wow, this is really clean because all of my shared spaces are really in order, but my personal spaces, like my closet, don't look in there.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm sitting at my desk right now and looking around, like my classroom is really clean out here. Yeah. And I'm looking at my desk and I'm like, wow, this is embarrassing.

Andrea: I think it's so funny too, because for a lot of people, it just comes so naturally to them that like, they will, they will take something out and then they will put it away.

And I think that for a lot of people. They think that that is a choice that we're making where we took it out and we didn't put it away because we thought no, I'm, I'm not going to put this away. Right. I forgot it existed until I found out you were coming over to my house. Like, I did not know it was there.

Do you have bags and boxes, too? Oh, yeah.

Carey: Random bags and boxes, that's the best part. Everywhere. If I just put this stuff into this box and then move this box to this other location, then I'll clean it later?

Andrea: No. Yes. Yeah, all the, all the piles of, of organization while I'm trying to like, blind leading the blind, help my daughter learn how to organize and stuff like that.

And I'm like, Oh, this is, it's going to be fine. Like.

Carey: I have, we have checklists at my house. I teach my students like these really great executive functioning skills and I'm like, if only I would just follow those.

Andrea: Right. Exactly. It's so funny because my daughter has started to already figure out some coping skills for it where I will be on one side of the house and I'll be like, Hey, can you go ask your daddy?

to go grab the book out of the car. And she will walk from one side of the house to the other going, ask daddy to get the book out of the car. Ask daddy to get like, well, the entire way there because she knows she'll forget. And it was so funny because for my birthday, she decided that she wanted to throw me a big birthday party.

And so she created a list and she's in kindergarten, so she's still learning how to write. So instead, she, she through pictures of all the things she wanted to get at the store. And she gave it to my husband, who is also ADHD. It's a, it's a house that we Oh wow, so I don't

Carey: have, my husband's not ADHD. So at least we have

Andrea: that going

Carey: for us.

Andrea: There's one of us that functions. Yeah, right. And so my daughter handed it to him and said, I have the list, Daddy. And he's like, okay, great. Well, he didn't follow the list and he forgot two of the things that we're supposed to pick up. And my daughter was like, Daddy, I gave you a list. And he's like, she, she did.

And I should have followed that list. Like, we just, we learn so soon, like, kind of how our brain works and we need to, like, adjust accordingly sometimes. It's wild. So when, when you first started teaching, you know, you did your student teaching in that same school. Were there any moments or, like, classes where you were like, oh, this is going to be great, and then it just was not at all what you were anticipating?

Oh my gosh, well, yes.

Carey: So I, I, I will also say that the fourth graders that I teach. age adjusted wise, probably act more like freshmen in high school sometimes. Like, they've just been exposed to things. Gotcha. And so, I'm in there, like, I have never really worked with this population and community before, and I go in, and it's just like sunshine and rainbows for me, and I'm like, you guys are so sweet, and then one of the students passed me a profane note of things that he thought he wanted to do with me.

Oh, no. And I was not prepared for that. And I just, like, turned it around, and I was, like, shaking. And I just handed it to my cooperating teacher, and she was, like, really? Like it was no surprise. She was, like, unfazed. She was, like, seriously, just go down to the office. And I was, like, oh, my gosh, what just happened?

Like, I was so not prepared for that. Or, like, it's just. I learned quickly that, you know, you just gotta be prepared for everything.

Andrea: Yeah. And fourth grade is like, those are, they're still so little. So you wouldn't expect them to be exposed to a lot of those things. Cause you're thinking about like, what you were exposed to when you were in fourth grade.

And You know, we, we were not exposed to things on the internet necessarily at that point. Like I, I think that's probably one of the biggest things, especially in, you know, cause I've taught in a couple of very low income communities and parents are working very, very long hours. I mean, I, I remember I had a couple of students where they would See their parents sometimes on the weekends, but I mean, parents were pulling double shifts on either end and so they, you know, they, they had to do something to entertain their kids.

So there was just a lot more screen time and they were unsupervised on the internet and they would come in with like some wild stuff. Yeah,

Carey: I mean, truly, and that is, it's still such an issue right now. Because, I just don't think that every parent understands what their kids can get into on the internet, unsupervised.

Like, it is, if your kid has a, a device and has internet access and is unsupervised, there are so many things that they can get themselves into that, you know, it's so, it's so bad right now. And they, if they are connected to each other through social media, it's They don't know when to stop themselves from saying things that cause fights and issues, and then the issues come into class with them so many times.

And then the parents are like, well, these two children aren't getting along right now. And I'm like, well, they got along fine yesterday in class. What's happening? Yeah. Oh, they got in a fight on social media or they, you know, and I'm just like, that was not social media. Oh my gosh. It's amazing. Like I would say that probably 80 percent of my class has access to social media right now.

Andrea: That is always what I tell myself when I get a troll comment on social media, I tell myself it's true. It's like a small child because a lot of times, I got a good one yesterday, right? Like a lot of times it kind of reads like that. It could just be because it's, at least in my experience, I would say 90 percent of the comments I get are from either completely anonymous profiles that have random pictures and nonsense names.

50 year old men.

Carey: It's like

Andrea: one

Carey: or the other. I don't know. The older generation of women are meaner to me. I got one yesterday that was like a video of me in a dress like just describing something and the comment said, I think it was the one about me like describing what the care closet is. The comment said, is there pants in there?

Because you look like you need some pants. And I look at the profile picture and I'm like. What? Like, what does that have to, what? It wasn't like a super short dress. So my only comment back was, yes, there's pants in there, but they're for kids if you would like me to send you my size. I would love a new pair of pants if you want to send me some.

And I get so mad when I respond like that, but.

Andrea: And like, I, I, I cannot remember a single time that I've seen any of your videos and you are not dressed, like, very conservatively. Like, your elementary teacher, we have, like, elementary teachers are on the ground, they're crawling around, like, a vast majority of elementary teachers are, tend to be very conservative just because it's very inconvenient to try and cover yourself up when you're, you know, Like, on the floor helping kids and all of that.

Exactly. And I, Oh my

Carey: gosh. I just, yeah. I mean, I, I don't think I, I've ever gone to work and been like, is this too scandalous for me? Right. Because most of the time I'm just like, something that can get dirty, that I can throw on, that's not like, squeezing me, and I can just like, Right. Go around in it. I don't know.

Yeah. It was the weirdest comment. I was like, that's what you chose to comment? Yeah. Was asking if I have pants?

Andrea: So

Carey: weird.

Andrea: I got one today, actually, and it confused me because if you open up messages on like meta, like the big platform from Instagram, when people are responding to your stories, it doesn't always tell you what story they're responding to.

Yes, I hate that. I hate that. I'm sorry. Yes, and I was like, okay, maybe they're not because it said more like a five head. And I was like, more like a five head. And so I went back to watch my stories to figure out what he was talking about. And I, I was doing an ad for like this, like red, red light, like wand thing.

And I said, Oh, I, you know, I, Put it on my forehead. And so he commented more like a five head. And here's the thing. I tried bangs because I am aware that my forehead takes up significant real estate. And so I was like, I'm just going to try bangs. And the way my students roasted me, I will never recover. I remember all your

Carey: videos from that.

I loved that. Yes! And I thought you were being really cute.

Andrea: You know what it was? Is it wasn't actually even the fact I didn't like the look, I couldn't, again ADHD thing, I could not deal with having hair on my forehead. Yeah.

Carey: Yeah.

Andrea: It just drove me insane. The second the day ended, I would like pin them back and all of that.

And then, you know, the kids just bullied me mercilessly and told me I ruined Christmas and all of that kind

Carey: of stuff. I mean, God forbid we make a change in our appearance. Like can't do. Oh, yeah. I told my students I was going to get a haircut and they were like, no, no, don't cut your hair. Don't. I was like, please, like these ends are so dead and I just need a haircut.

Or if I wear a different color, like a shade of lip gloss or something, they're like,

Andrea: what's wrong with

Carey: you?

Andrea: Didn't you have something recently on your stories where you had like, you had like a scab or you had something else going on with your lips?

Carey: Yeah. And they lost their minds. Lost it. I had like super chapped lips from like this super dry spell we had down here.

And I had like a scab right here, but it was like, you know, you know on your lips like where it can't heal because it's never dry enough and like, I like put a sports bra on and it ripped the scab off. And so I was like, Oh my gosh, this is never going to end. So I put on like a colored lip gloss to kind of just like conceal it a little bit.

And they, they walked in there like, Ah, what, what is that? And I was like, what? They're like, what's wrong with your lips? So I was like, It's just lip gloss, guys. And they're like, are you, are you going somewhere? You look fancy or something. Or like, one of them was like, did you get taller? I was like, oh my gosh, did I get taller?

I put on some lip gloss. Like, it's just a little shade darker. A little.

Andrea: So funny. Yeah, I remember I went in one day and I was just trying to be fancy. I can't remember. I think it was, I had like a red lip and I came and, and they were like, oh miss, you've got court today or something. And I was like, no, I don't have court.

Like it's just like red, a red lip say I'm

Carey: going to court. Like, you know what that means? They, they probably went to court one time with somebody that wore a red lip.

Andrea: A hundred percent. Yes. Reverting back to those memories. Exactly. So have you ever in your class like confiscated anything super wild from students or overheard anything super wild?

Um, yes.

Carey: Um, most recently, I will say the most recent one was this lovely AK 47 chain that I had to confiscate. Were they wearing that

Andrea: around their neck? Oh,

Carey: it was the jewelry of choice for the day. So I had to confiscate that. The weirdest thing that I was like. I don't even want to confiscate this. There was a, this was years and years and years ago and there was a student who was kind of just like fidgeting a little bit in his seat and I was like, what are you doing?

And I see the hands like kind of go back like into his waistband and I was like, what is, what are you doing? He pulls out a USB drive from his butt crack. Oh

Andrea: my gosh.

Carey: And He goes, here it is. I was like, what do you, like, it's been missing and you didn't know it was there? Like, what? And so I, I was like, what, what is that?

What is that? And he was like, Oh, it's just a thing that, and I was like, I need to have that, but like, put that here for me. Okay, like, Put that right here, and I'm going to put it over here. It was so Oh, my gosh. We get all kinds of Just, you know, as far as conversations go, they, they're, they're still little and they say crazy stuff and all that, but I will say that that was probably the weirdest thing that I've ever had to take away.

Andrea: Oh, my gosh. A hundred percent. That is I, I don't, I can say, I don't think I've ever had a student say that. remove something from an orifice in class to hand to me, at least. So I guess we should count our blessings.

Carey: I was amazed that he couldn't find it. I was like, I feel like that would be uncomfortable.

Like he forgot. I was like, that would be maybe not comfortable to have there, but.

Andrea: You would, you would think. I guess. Um, all right. I feel like that's a good place to take a quick break. So we will be right back.

Welcome back to those who can't do, and I am so excited to hear a little bit more from Keri about what we're your philosophy is about teaching in the classroom because, you know, I think that a lot of us kind of try and be there for our students and try and make sure that we're meeting their needs. And, you know, there's Maslow's hierarchy of needs and everyone learns that in school, but I think it's really inspiring to see how you're not just like talking about it, like you're actually actively like serving the needs in your community.

So can you share a philosophy for teaching?

Carey: Yeah, so my biggest thing is remembering that, like, the group of kids that come in my classroom every day, like, yes, they are my students, but they have these whole intricate lives outside of the hours that they spend in my classroom. And so, like, mine is always, like, they're, they're kids first, they're people first.

And we have to understand the human side of them instead of just the academic performers. That a lot of people see their students as. And so, to me, the academics is just a part of what we do. And growing them as humans and like making them better parts of society is what I get excited about. I want them to contribute and I want them to, Step in for people in need, and I want them to know what generosity and belonging feels like.

And so, I, and also, like, I, I treat kids the way that I would want someone to treat my children. And some, and the way that I wish that somebody would have treated me. So, uh, You know, I'm so strong about, like, building those relationships and spending one on one time with them and really understanding who they are so that way, academically, I can reach them because I know some of the things that they are successful with and what they're not successful with.

Andrea: Yeah. A hundred percent. So, I've also noticed that you have your bonus boys, and I know you were very intentional about protecting their privacy and all of that, but do you want to share a little bit about, like, how you ended up, kind of, in their lives and what that's looked like? Yeah. Absolutely.

Carey: Yes, they're, um, I, you know, I, I protected them for a while while they were kids, but they're, they're grownups now.

They're 19 now. Oh my gosh. So, I know. They're old. They're right here. Aw. These are my guys. Um, yeah. So, they were in my class as, um, fifth graders and, um, you know, one of them struggled behaviorally a little bit more than the other, um, just had some, some anger was going on, but was so incredibly smart and The minute that I showed him like, Hey, I'm on your side here.

I'm rooting for you. Like come, come help me out. I want you in here with me. It was like a, it switched so easily for him. He was like, oh, you want me here? Well then I want to be here. Yeah. Oh, you're re showing me respect. Well, I'm gonna show you respect also. And that was really, he was a huge turning point for me in my career at that time, because.

I, you know, it was one of those, like, I don't know if I can do this anymore. This is hard, but I was all academics all the time at that point. And then once I really got to learn about the kids in class and see who they were and where they came from and specifically him, um, I was like, okay, this is a new ballgame for me.

Like once I understand them and they understand me, I can get so much more out of them. And they want to learn. Um, so with him specifically, the other one that I have is so, he's so calm and laid back and relaxed. And that was like yin and yang. They worked complete opposites. But, um, one was a little bit more academically motivated than the other.

So, academically motivated and angry. Not so academically motivated, but very calm and cool. And they just challenged each other, but like kept each other on the right path. And they're like friendship goals. Like, I've never seen a more perfect friendship than theirs. So, they had a great year. They were kind of upset about going to middle school and leaving our school.

So, we signed up for Big Brothers Big Sisters. Followed them all through middle school, high school, they're in college now, and doing grown man stuff. So it's, yeah, it's really, like, I highly encourage always just sticking with those kids that. You know, you see success with because they grow so much from it.

Andrea: Yeah. And I think that for a lot of teachers, like, I don't know, I, it always bothered me that I felt like, you know, I would have these really tight connections with a few kids each year and I'm like, why, why don't I feel like that with all of my kids? And I think one of the biggest things is number one, our time and energy is finite.

You know, we, we can't be all things to all people all the time. Um, but there's also something to be said that there are some kids that need us a little bit more and there's personality differences. Like some people you're just going to click with more and you know, you hope that there's going to be another teacher or librarian or somebody else at the school that connects with the other kid that just doesn't click quite as much with you.

Um, but yeah, cause I, I can picture the faces of all the kids. that, you know, I felt like that really strong connection with. And there's something just so beautiful and special about, like, touching base with them later and hearing about their lives and seeing them just do really well. It's like, oh, my heart.

It's so

Carey: cool. I always tell when I go, like, speak with elementary schools or things like that, and we talk about, you know, teachers, teachers are mentors. And just because you are not following them for years and years and years on a one on one basis, We're all still mentors. We are all there to help shape lives and to help basically give a different perspective on a life that they might not have seen before.

Um, and it doesn't have to go on and on. And I think that a lot of teachers are really discouraged when they want to be able to change someone so badly or they want to be able to be the one that turns you around, but you can't save everyone. And you might not be their person, but somebody else might be.

But they're not going to forget that you put forth the effort to try. And so once you find that, once you find those connections and you know that those connections are there, it's so rewarding, but it doesn't mean don't try with the other one. And so I, and, and I know that's easier than it sounds because some of them are such a challenge and you're just like, you're a brick wall.

Like, do you even want me to try? Do you even want me to? give you this attention or, and they always do. I've never had anyone say like, I wish that you wouldn't have checked on me or I wish that you, I wish that you would have just left me alone while I was struggling. Like no one has ever come back and said that.

I've actually had kids be like, I am sorry for the way that I treated you, but I was really struggling with a lot of things or thank you for being there for me even when I was really challenging because I know that wasn't easy. Because a lot of when you're 9 and 10, you don't recognize those feelings, but then you grow up a little bit and you're like, Oh, oh, that was a nice, that was a nice thing she did.

Andrea: Right. Exactly.

Carey: Yeah. So I always just encourage, you know, act as a mentor, even if it's not through a program, even if it's not, you know, a one on one thing where, you know, you'll follow them forever. Just Just do what you can for them.

Andrea: Yeah, definitely. And I, I remember seeing a couple times, and I think you've responded in, um, TikToks and Reels about this, about how the parents of the community respond to you providing a lot of these resources.

Because I know I've seen a couple people, like, get offended and say, like, oh, if my kid came home and you had done their hair or you had provided something for them, like, I would be really upset and come and yell at you and all of that kind of stuff. So, um. What was that like? You have to be

Carey: very intentional about involving the parents.

So on my first like meet the teacher days, I, the parents that come in, I always bring them and show them the care closet and, you know, show them like this is what I have available. Nobody ever has to take anything. It's not forced, um, but it's easier than them not coming to school or you having to come up to bring them something.

I always just get the parents. It's kind of on board like we're a team together because really we are. The parents that I have very little contact with throughout the year, I have never had anyone complain about their child bringing something home. I send home the information about the care closet in newsletters.

I've had a lot of parents that would be very thankful, especially for things like dinners. The closet is open. I don't ever like give the items. I'm not like here you need lotion or here you need deodorant or here. Take all these snacks home. The closet is open at a certain time and the kids come back and they get what they need.

So if a parent were to ever say, well, why did my child come home with a pair of socks? I would say, well, the closet is open. They just took what they needed. So I have never, I've personally never experienced an angry parent about it. But I think that that's because I'm up front with them and we treat it as like a community resource.

Yeah. Instead of a, Oh, you don't have this here. Let me give it to you because you're my charity case. It's not, it's not like that at all.

Andrea: Yeah. I think that's such a wise way of doing it too, because it de stigmatizes like using the resources and stuff like that. And I, I think for people online, they kind of see it.

or they could misconstrue it as like, oh, like, I feel sorry for you and that's why you're getting it. But like things like, um, somebody doing some, uh, a child's hair, like there were days where like, as a working mom that was going to grad school, I would brush my daughter's hair and that's all she was getting.

And I would toss her in school and then she would come home and she would have these beautiful ornate braids that the daycare ladies had done for her. And there was never a time where I was like, how dare you do my daughter's hair? I was always like, oh, I love that. Like, I would give her a hug and she would, like, smell like the perfume of all the daycare ladies because they just loved on her all day.

And like, as a parent, I can't imagine, like, being offended that somebody else wants to invest in the well being of my child, you know, in such a a giving way. Now, there's

Carey: certain hair, like, there are hair rules. Like, Right. If hair is done, and you can tell that it's been done, like, I don't touch the hair.

But, you know, I've had girls come in and be like, my braids are too tight, or, you know, this is really uncomfortable. And I just will hand them the resources for it. So that way, like, it's not me. I did not change your hairstyle. I did not take your hair down. You But then I've had girls come in and say like, I, no, I braided this last night and I don't like the way it looks.

Can you help me take it out? Yeah. So they, because they know also what they're gonna get in trouble for, you know, they don't, right. They're not gonna go spend all this time and money at, you know, the hair salon and then have me take it out for them because they would get in trouble for that. Yeah. So most of the time, and you know, it's a headband to cover some grown out, you know, braids.

Mm-Hmm. or it. A bow in the hair. And most of the time when I do that, I make it like a, like the other day I had a girl come in and she was just like, I just don't like this, like puff ball off the top of my head. And I was like, well then let's put a green bow in it for St. Patrick's Day and let's put like a couple of like rainbow clips in it.

And so, yeah, she ended up feeling much better after that. But, you know, and it's just like a slight thing. I don't really get into like rerating or changing the hairstyles very much. I'll just go in and be like, Oh, well, here's, you know, some of this gel that you can just lay this down with. Or if you know what to do with your hair, here's the products for it and go stand back there in that mirror.

Andrea: Yeah. And I think that that's, you know, as, as white teachers, I think that sometimes we, we have to be really intentional and cautious and respectful. Um, I have worked in really diverse communities. And the first community I worked with, um, it was about 50 percent white and 50 percent black. There weren't really that many other ethnicities.

And I had grown up in a community that had a large Latino population, but there was not very many African Americans that I went to school with or anything like that. Right. And so I, uh, unwittingly had no idea that like I needed to have lotion in my classroom. Yeah. And I needed to have like certain things for the needs of my students.

And it's, I think that approaching it with humility and respect is the best possible thing that we can do and never making assumptions that we, you know, no. Um, because it, I would never want one of my students to feel uncomfortable or feel disrespected or their families to feel disrespected in any way with that.

So I think that it's important as, as teachers to just make sure we're respecting and, you know, like you said, like offering. Yeah. You're like, great. If you want to, here you go. Like, here's the resources. Like, by all means, do what you got to do. When I first

Carey: started collecting items for it. So I don't know, I don't know that I've ever shared this on social media, but my classroom is a hundred percent black.

And it has been for the past 12 years. I think that in 12 years, I've taught three white children. Um, so when it came time to build the items for this closet, I had the kids pick them out because, you know, I don't know what type of hair care they needed. And I also, um, reached out to this amazing, she, I don't know how active she is lately.

Her TikTok handle is miss honey vibes. Okay. Um, and she, um, was, she's a, I think says she was like a behavioral therapist, maybe, or I don't know what her role was within her school, but she always showed these videos of her redoing children's hair in her office. And, um, when it came time to, build my closet, I reached out to her as a black woman and said, I don't know.

I don't know the products that they need. Can you give me some advice on how I can best serve these children and what products I'm going to need? So she gave me a full list of things that she would recommend. And then I asked the kids. what they use at home so that way I could build the items that they saw that they needed the most on the list.

So it wasn't like I was shopping for products that work for me because what works for me does not work for them.

Andrea: Right. And

Carey: what worked for them won't work for me necessarily. Now a lot of items are universal but um, you know, they picked out the lotion that was best for them and they picked out the uh, types of tones that they use at home.

So I just wanted to make sure that I had all the items that they would use at home. in here. And so having them all involved in it was also a huge help.

Andrea: Yeah, that's awesome. So if somebody was going to go about like starting their own care closet at their own school, what are kind of some of the steps that you would encourage them to take to do that?

Carey: First things first, get approval from your administration. You know, there's not, not everyone is on board. Not everyone's on board with that. And there's a lot of administrators that might say like, don't get involved with that. Don't get into that. Um, you know, I've, I've heard a lot of stories of people going to their administration and asking, I'd like to get this started.

And they're like, we're not going to be involved with that. We're an academic, you know, building, we're not, we're not doing this. that they can save that for home. So once you get your administrative approval, like you need to start kind of involving your students and or looking into your community and saying, well, what is the greatest need here?

Because not every school is in need of all the same things. And not every grade level is going to be in need of all the same things. So you just kind of have to get to know your students. Like, like breakfast items are one of my biggest needs all the time because I have a lot of kids who are tardy, and if they miss breakfast, they come in my classroom instead of being hungry and waiting till lunch, they'll just eat some breakfast with me.

Or you know, certain hair care items are really popular because they'll come in first thing in the morning, get that hair done, and then they don't have to worry about it the rest of the day. Deodorant is a big one, which you know, of course, wouldn't be needed in like a kindergarten first grade. So just like making a list of the items.

that you've seen are important. Spare shoelaces. Things that you wouldn't even think of. Um, that's a great next step. And then, you know, like I said, notify your parents. Notify your community. This is what I have available. It's just to make everyone's life easier. It's not, you know, it's not a charity case.

It's not, it's just so that everyone's life can be a little bit easier and I can keep their brains focused on school and I can keep them in the classroom. So, and then just, you know, build your list, reach out, share it with people. I am tagged in so many Care Closet videos now on social media. Where they're like, I just started my care closet or, um, I saw Ms.

Aronsberg's care closet and we started one here too. And so I always encourage them like tag me in that and I'll, you know, duet it or share it or, you know, make sure other people can help you fill your list. So, it's awesome.

Andrea: I think that's one of the coolest things about social media is seeing the way that people really gather around when they see something like that.

That's just, it's just helping kids, you know, like it's so purely like something for the kids that we know we're doing something that's going to make, like you said, that's going to allow kids to stay in the classroom and be focused on learning and all of that kind of stuff. Like, uh, just it restores hope in humanity.

Carey: I don't think that people understand how. Distracting something like, you know, not wearing a pair of socks can be or, yeah, or if your hair doesn't look good that day and you know that you're about to be made fun of for it. I mean, hair is such a, and often people don't think of hair care items as basic needs, but if we're talking about being culturally respectful, it is a huge part of many cultures and the way that your hair looks and the way that you present yourself is.

It's a, it's a huge part of how you are represented as a person. And so I like, I had somebody comment like, why would you consider headbands a basic need item? Or why would you consider a comb a basic need item? Well, if you come in and you know that somebody's about to make fun of you or tease you, or you're not confident in your skin, Because of something going on right here, well, guess what?

Let's put a cute pattern headband over it, cover it up. No one ever has to know you sit down in that chair and you just look like you're wearing a cute accessory. And then I have your brain the rest of the day because you're not worried about anybody else teasing you. Exactly. So it's just, I don't think people understand that when you lack one of those needs, how detrimental it can be to your brain's health Capacity.

Yeah,

Andrea: agreed. And that actually is a perfect bridge to one of the questions that was submitted by a listener. So we always kind of take a look at some questions and then we kind of take a shot at answering them. Um, and this question was, how do you balance the needs of the one outweighing the needs of the many?

As an inclusion teacher, I have 15 IEP students in a regular class of 26. Five of those students are in the class of Quote, just for exposure to a regular classroom and one student has a tick syndrome that is now manifested as sniffing very loudly The sniffing is so loud. I can barely talk over the student He's not doing it on purpose, but I changed so many of the last lessons because of the behavior so between disruptive severe ADHD behaviors and autism considerations And the others it seems like if I meet one student's needs the other 25 get left out.

Carey: I can see that I would approach this with assigning like peer buddies and peer helpers. First of all, we need to, I, uh, we do a lot with understanding neurodivergence in others. In here, we have lots of books that we read. We, And then I would work to pair them with people who could, you know, if you have an ADHD child who might need organizational skills, well, their new peer buddy is going to be that one who is really good at making sure things get turned in.

Or if you have this one that, you know, needs a little extra attention. Well, pair them up with a buddy and say like, Hey, well, why don't y'all be the ones to go around with the clipboard and make sure that everybody has all the supplies that they need? It's just, I, I, I'm a huge fan of like peer friends and, uh, classroom jobs.

Andrea: Yeah, I agree. And I, I think too, the fact that this teacher has changed so many things to adjust for the needs in the classroom, I think that's exactly the right response, you know, like you, you should adjust based on who's in your classroom. And, um, you know, with secondary, you sometimes have like, you know, three periods where you're teaching the same thing, and it's going to look completely different based on who's in that class.

And it doesn't even always have to be neurodivergence that's causing it. Sometimes it's just, you might have a class of 20 boys and five girls. You can't lecture to that class. Like that's not going to

Carey: happen. I know. And it's not, no class. I have never taught a class or a class over the years. where I've been able to use the same strategies over and over again.

Like certain things, yes, but like there's always going to be some kids that like something doesn't work for and you have to figure out, all right, well, this won't work for this group. So let me try this instead. I think just like being flexible, but also like kids can also be a great resource. I mean, they love to help.

They love classroom jobs. They love That sense of independence, and I know a lot of kids who really flourish and thrive when they're given a responsibility. And I'm like, you know what? You are responsible for watering my plants every day. And they're like, For real? I'm like, yes, and I cannot live without you.

And if you don't water my plants, they're going to die. And I need you to please water my plants for me. And they're like, I got this. And so it, it takes a job away from me and it gives a job to a child that really needed one. And they feel this sense of like, I belong here and she needs me. And I can't wait to be back.

I can't wait to do that job again.

Andrea: Yeah, I love that. So before I let you go, I would love to hear, um, where people can find you, any big things that you have coming up, anything like that that you want to share. Yeah,

Carey: um, well, I think that I'm on all the platforms. I don't use them all equally. I just, I just kind of got started with YouTube just so that people can share information easily.

Um, yeah, I'm on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Threads. I think that's it. That's probably a good roundabout of them. Um, as far as big projects go, I am really excited to be the keynote speaker of the Teach Your Heart Out Tampa, um, conference where they're going to leave Tampa and go on a cruise. So it's the Big Teacher Cruise.

And I am the keynote speaker for that. Congrats! Thanks. And I am working on a book about the Care Closet and the stories that go with it. Thanks. through Teacher Goals Publishing. So those are all really exciting things that I'll just have to keep everyone updated with.

Andrea: Yeah, that is fantastic. And doing Teacher Heart Out Con is, is massive.

I mean, how many people are you going to be talking to as the keynote? An entire cruise ship. I believe thousands, right? Yeah.

Carey: I think, I mean, I try not to ask those questions 'cause I don't wanna freak myself out. I'm like, I don't care if I'm talking to 10 or a thousand. I, I'm gonna say the same thing. I don't wanna think about how many people are gonna be there.

Yeah. Um, so yeah, I'm excited. I've been doing a lot of their many conferences and going to speak with elementary schools and things like that. So I'll be, um, I'm really excited to do the one in Tampa this summer.

Andrea: I bet that's going to be awesome. All right. Thank you so much, Kari. This has been so fun. It has been.

Thank you

Carey: for inviting

Andrea: me. Absolutely. All right, guys, we will be right back.

And welcome back. I hope that you guys enjoyed hearing Kari's stories. I don't know about you, but. For me, I always have this image in my brain of what it must be like to teach elementary, and she completely subverted a lot of those misconceptions of like, you know, kids, kids are kids and they're in fourth grade so clearly they're not gonna have like a USB in their butt or And AK, what was it?

It was some kind of gun on a necklace. Like, I, I don't know. I just, I always feel like I put those kinds of behaviors and things in the category of like middle school, high school, because that is a section of education that I've never done. I've never been in an elementary school classroom as the teacher or as a sub or any of that.

Um, and I mean, I, I know kids are out of pocket even at a young age, but it's wonderful to hear that we all have, um, a certain level of chaos in common in our classrooms. And on that note, let's take a look at some of the things that you guys submitted to me about things that your students were up to this week.

One of them was that the entire class saw a deer out the classroom window. And it was completely silent and then everyone was like, Oh, look at the deer. And then one kid went smash, which I like, I don't know why I find that so funny every time when kids say smash about things that are just so insane.

I've told the story before on Tik Tok about the student who said young Stalin was a smash. Like I just, I find it so funny. And especially if it's like. A deer, right? Like, which is very unrelatable until you think about Bambi's dad, who is arguably, I could see that being a smash, honestly. Like, Barbie's dad.

Barbie. Not Barbie. Bambi. Did I say Barbie the first time? Oh, it's been a day, guys. Um, the next one that you submitted was, uh, a male student asked if they take out your vulva when they remove your tonsils. Which is, is not the case, thankfully. Um, I could just imagine that moment where a kid was very earnestly asking that kind of a question, trying to get clarification about whether or not your uvula gets removed when they remove your tonsils, and just really hardcore chose the wrong word.

Um, and a fun fact that is uvula related is that I actually have, Two uvulas and anytime I say that people think it's the other word and there's a real a real Solid moment in there where people are deeply confused and concerned for me And the double uvula that I have is actually a form of a cleft palette And so like my uvula just kind of sits there Splits a little bit.

Um, it's always my, one of my two truths and a lie is that, that one, which I guess now I can't use it, but that's always one of the ones I have. And people usually guess that that's one of the truths 'cause it's so weird that like, who's gonna make that up? Um, but it's also genetic because my mom has it and my daughter has it.

So apparently just runs, runs in the women in my family. If you have something absolutely insane to share about your classrooms or you wanted to comment about Bambi's father, um, you can do so online on Educator Andrea on Instagram or TikTok. Or you can email us at andrea at human content. com or you can hit up the human content podcast family on Instagram or TikTok at human content pods.

And this is still a new podcast and I so appreciate you guys listening and subscribing and giving reviews. It just makes the world go round. You light my mornings. And you are the warmth of my days. So thank you so much for doing that. And we are going to keep an eye out and start giving out shout outs to all of you, wonderful rays of sunshine that provide those comments for us.

If you want to check out full video episodes, they're up every week on YouTube at Educator Andrea. Thank you guys so much for listening. I am your host, Andrea Forkham. A very special thank you to our guest, Keri Arensberg. Our executive producers are Andrea Forkham, Aaron Korney, Rob Goldman, and Shahnti Brooke.

Our editor is Andrew Sims. Our engineer is Jason Portizzo. Our music is by Omer Ben Zvi. Our recording location is the Indiana State Bi College of Education. To learn more about our Those Who Can't Do's, visit us Program disclaimer and ethics policy and submission verification and licensing terms, you can go to podcasterandrea.

com. Those Who Can't Do is a human content production.

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